Occam’s Razor; The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. I’m sure you’ve heard of this before and if you haven’t, jeez dude, read a book or something will ya?! More recently, however, I was introduced to Hanlon’s Razor; “Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained by stupidity and ignorance”. (Shout out to https://dailystoic.com/email for the introduction. I highly recommend signing up!) I never found out who Hanlon is but in these words, I heard a very clinically powerful and relevant message: people are not bad, they’re just uneducated or unaware. When people do bad things, it’s generally not out of malice, it’s simply a mistake; a lapse in judgment or an act of ignorance. And I’ll add my own piece (Brandon’s Razor?) and suggest that on the rare occasions when malice is at work, it means not that the person is awful but rather that multiple failures have been present at many levels in that person’s life (societally, culturally, familial-ly, etc.) that have enabled and encouraged their malicious state to come into being. It’s the tired, old, hippie, liberal douche argument that says that criminals aren’t born, they’re made; the argument that says that in almost every case, bad people are bad because they’ve been treated badly, not because they’re inherently bad.
As I hinted at, I bring this up in a psychotherapy blog because it’s of great potential therapeutic use. Regarding the practical application of Hanlon’s Razor, I’ll suggest a few things. Firstly, empathy makes us well. Hard stop. Mic drop. We’re talking about a slightly different version of empathy that I’ll call “internal empathy” but I’ll return to that shortly. Secondly, a large component of mental and emotional health entails building strong boundaries and then maintaining these boundaries in a steadfast, assertive and proactive way. After this mission is accomplished, the next part of the job is to return to center as soon as possible. In this model, there is little room for weak, blurry boundaries nor is there much room for guilt or upset after you’ve upheld them. Once you’ve held firm those lines, continuing to be in a state of upset, suspicion and anger is antithetical to wellbeing. Your job is to expect the attack, hold the line and then regain balance as soon as is appropriate. How does one do this? In plain language, I tell my clients “stop the behavior and then show internal empathy.” Prevent the crossing of boundary lines and then attempt in your own head and heart to understand and accept why someone would attempt to cross them in the first place.
This is similar to what I’ve said before regarding the clinical version of “Forgiveness of Parents”. Healing family of origin issues often entails allowing yourself to see your parents as normal, fallible people, accepting the shoddy job they did as likely the best they could do and then ultimately forgiving them for that lackluster performance. The process of forgiving and accepting your parents is where “internal empathy” comes in really handy; it isn’t something you do for them; it’s for you. It necessarily does not involve a conversation with them; it’s an act that you do for you by you and its best completed in your own head and heart alone. It’s not so much a behavior change as it is a shift in mindset. Sure, your parents benefit but that’s not the point. When you work towards forgiveness of your parents, you turn your harmful anger and resentment into the healing emotions of understanding and empathy. Again, empathy makes us well. You forgive and accept internally so that you can live with greater mental and emotional health, not for them but for you. Hanlon’s Razor, in my estimation, works much in the same way. Rather than consistently despising and resenting everyone who does you wrong, you attempt to view them with empathy and compassion. You allow for the idea that the reason they hurt people is because they themselves are hurting. With this more empathetic and accepting attitude, you gain a greater sense of balance and wellbeing. As stated, the people who attempt to harm are benefitted as well but this is simply a pleasant side effect.
Here’s a real life example to illustrate the idea. One morning, while casually observing the courtyard outside my home, I saw a man I’ve never seen before walking down the sidewalk. He had some sort of lanyard around his neck and I initially assumed he was an Amazon delivery driver. But he had no packages; he had no electronic scanning devices in his hand; he had no uniform to suggest that he worked for a delivery service. And unlike most delivery guys, he was casting his eyes around covertly as if he were trying to survey the land without arousing suspicion. When he eventually started rummaging through a bag on my neighbor’s porch and then walking up the steps to the next neighbors porch and scoping it out, I knew for sure he was up to no good. This felt like a pretty clear cut case of “see something, say something” and as my complex is rather small, there wouldn’t be enough time to call the police so I decided to act. “EXCUSE ME SIR, CAN I HELP YOU?!”, I said in the most booming and stern voice I could muster (which likely wasn’t booming or stern). He stopped dead in his tracks but didn’t make eye contact. He pretended to ignore me but his quickened pace and muttering of indiscernible obscenities on his way out of the complex made it obvious that he knew he’d been caught. He disappeared quickly and I haven’t seen him since so I’d say mission accomplished. If this story were told on some social media site, the comment section would be full of “Good thing he didn’t show up at my place, I’d a blown his head off”; too bad the cops didn’t get there in time to arrest that sorry piece of shit!; Ugh, porch pirates are the lowest form of life. They all need to be locked up forever; God will judge him and send him to hell!” (There’d also be some spam ad for boner pills and random negative comments about Joe Biden but that’s beside the point).
This hypothetical comment section is exactly the opposite of what I’m talking about. An attempt was made to cross boundaries, the attempt was stopped but the hypothetical people in the hypothetical comment section have held onto their anger, frustration and judgment and expressed zero empathy. Hypothetical others who hypothetically didn’t comment, didn’t do so because they felt too scared or guilty to stop the attempt at boundary crossing and simply let it happen. This is also the opposite of this interpretation of Hanlon’s Razor. As I attempted to apply the idea in this case, I saw my job as twofold; stop the guy from doing the bad thing through appropriate means and then in my own head and heart, attempt to show internal empathy by trying to understand what it’s like to be a porch pirate; to try and put myself in the shoes of someone who feels they can commit or have to commit such acts, to try and imagine how much suffering he’s had to endure to get to a point where conscience, fairness and concern for others seem to no longer apply. If correct, these signs all point to a man who was acting out of his own suffering. Again keep in mind, that phrase “INTERNAL empathy”; the version of Hanlon’s Razor I’m suggesting doesn’t mean I allow myself to be taken advantage of. It also doesn’t mean I shoot everyone who does me wrong. It means I take appropriate means to protect myself and then protect myself further by showing empathy in my own head and heart so that I live better despite the world’s attempts to harm me. This is not simply turning the other cheek; it’s stopping the person from slapping you and then showing grace and generosity by understanding why they felt the need to slap you in the first place.
Now imagine the large scale implication of this: You practice this in your life with everyone and in every situation you encounter. You proactively set and hold fast your boundaries and then then reward yourself for keeping them by showing empathy in your own head and heart. You do it with the guy who cuts you off in traffic. You do it with your idiot sister. You do it with your wife. You do it with the guy who left dog poop on the sidewalk in front of your house. You do it with members of your local and national government and cultural and other leaders in your life. You do it with everyone. And then PRESTO!!! Mental and emotional health! TADA!!! You win and so does everyone else. Yay you. And everyone else I guess…
Unrelated Song: A Black Rose Burial – A Baleful Aura in the Graveyard or Broken Gears – I know literally almost nothing about this band but this album has frequently been on repeat since I found them on Myspace all those years ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAVPX6aB3ag
Unrelated book:
Animal Farm by George Orwell – I mentioned to a friend that I was reading this and how it was really good but kind of obvious and on the nose. He replied “that’s why most people read it in their high school English class”. I didn’t read this or any other classic literature in my high school to my recollection! Thanks again 90’s Arkansas public education system!
Brandon Peters, LPC 